Don't mess with an English major

James: "Jessa, I have to tell you something. Sometimes, I like to speak in the third person."

Me: "What do you mean?"

James: "Like right now."

[pause]

Me: "Jessa thinks that James doesn't understand what third person means."

James: "Oh yeah...hang on..."

Me: "James wonders out loud while Jessa hands him his grammatical ass on a plate."

James: "I mean..JAMES is spea---"

Me: "AND JAMES DOESN'T UNDERSTA--"

James: "--woman, stop interrupting me---with my own grammar rules."

[I laugh]

James: "Actually...that was like...second AND third person. Holy crap, I just created a fourth dimension to grammar."

[pause]

James: "You're welcome."