Watson

A conversation at 2:30 a.m.:

James: “By the way, I bought you a puppy.”

Me: “Ha. You are so funny.
 

James: “No. Seriously. It’s coming over even as we speak.”

Me [yawning]: “You are terrible liar.”

James: “Ricky is bringing it over.”

Me: “You’d better stop before I begin to believe you.”

James: “Fine. Don’t believe me. Something else will be peeing on the carpet.”

Me: “Sweetie, we’ve been over this. An overactive bladder is nothing to be ashamed of….you can learn to stop peeing on our carpet when you get excited.”

James: “Very funny. But get ready, because I bought you the fluffiest, cutest puppy I could find.”

[the doorbell rings]

Me: “Wait….you are serious.”

James: “I told you.”

Me: “What the hell! Are you telling me that, as we speak, there is a puppy at our door?”

James [smiling]: “Yep. And it’s all yours.”

Me: “James. I’m going to kill you.”

James: “What! You said you wanted a dog!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s the same way I want a pet horse! I like the idea of it but I couldn’t handle a horse living in our apartment!”

James: “This isn’t a horse. It’s a puppy. You can’t ride a puppy, and they don’t eat carrots.”

[The doorbell rings again]

James [worried]: “Also, you can’t eat him.”

Me [getting out of bed and putting a robe on]: “Why would you say that…and where the heck are my shoes!”

James: “Because you are Chinese, and you wok dogs.”

Me: “Now is not the time for puns!”

James: “I know! It’s puppy time!”

[James bounces down the stairs chanting, “puppy, puppy, puppy time!”]

At 3:00 a.m., I became a dog owner. 

At 3:05 a.m., my the dog peed on my husband.

Karma. 

Meet Watson, the walking furball of cosmic energy.