James bought me beautiful, white lilies. Last night, after hearing about his awful-no-good-rotten-weekend, this is the conversation we had:
Me: I'm sorry you had a rotten day. Thanks for my lilies, though.
James [slightly pouting]: You're welcome.
Me: You know how to make flowers last a long time?
James: You don't have to tell me. I know.
Me: Okay, so what do you do?
James: You pee on 'em.
[I laugh. He doesn't.]
Me: Wait...are you serious?
James: Maybe.
Me: That's so gross! You peed on the flowers?!
James: I don't remember. I do remember thinking about it, but I don't remember if I did it or not. Besides, it's good for them.
Me: On a scale of sure to very sure...
James: I don't do scales. They make me fat.
I would throw the flowers away, but they are blooming rather furiously.
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