Now I have to find a three-year-old

Me: James, did you eat a piece of pie last night?

James: Yes, and it was delicious.

Me: Ugh! You know I made them for the potluck tonight!

James: What? I thought you said I could have some.

Me: I said you could have some if you came to the potluck…now I can’t take it and don’t have time to make another one.

James [sheepishly]: Sorry. I stopped listening after you said, “I made chocolate pie”.

Me: I. Will. End. You.

James: I’ll make another one!

Me: You hate cooking.

James: No I don’t.

Me: Yes, you do. You don’t like people telling you what to do, which is why you never read cookbooks.

James: I’d do it this time….’cause love.

Me: I don't want to poison an entire congregation, so forget it. *sigh* I’ll just tell people my three year old got into the pie. 

James [shoulders slumping]: So I can't keep the pie?

Me: Have you not been listening to a word I've said?!

James: I accidentally stopped listening again. I was thinking about pie.