Typical bedtime conversation:
Me: James, scoot over. You're making the bed sink in the middle.
James: Jessa, I'm concerned. You think that about all beds.
Me: No I don't.
James: Yes, you do. I think you have reverse vertigo. You have...certigo.
Me: That's not a thing.
James: It's a thing. It's logical. Like a bird hitting you in the face.
Me: How is a bird hitting me in the face logical?
James: Because they are either flying really slow or you are going really fast and deserve to get fowlly-smacked. Don't question this.
[I shove his back and pull the blankets]
Me: Move over!
James [yelling]: You're not my real mom!
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