Well, I do kinda look like her

James walked out of the bathroom after I begged him to shave his still-in-the-works goatee.

James: How do you like it?

Me: Why do you have a Hitler-mustache?

James: I thought it looked sophisticated.

Me: Sophisticated? No. Historically offensive? Yes.

James: Let me keep it while I play Age of Empires with Ricky.

Me: So…you want to wear a Hitler molestache while invading and conquering other civilizations?

James: There is nothing wrong with my plan.

Me: Shave it off.

James: This makes you Eva Longoria!

Me: I think you mean Eva Braun.

James: Wait…which is which?

Me: One is a hot TV celeb with implants, and the other was Hitler’s suicide buddy.

James: You’re Eva Braun, then. I’ll bet she was hot, like you. So it’s appropriate.

Me: Sweetie, none of this is appropriate. Shave. It. Off.

James [running downstairs and yelling]: No! I will take over Russia!

Me [yelling after him]: It didn’t work for Napoleon or Hitler, so it won’t work for you!

James ended up shaving the molestache off, but claims that I now owe him Poland or some country equivalent to Poland. I told him he could have Zoloft and Diet Coke. He settled for the coke.