(Place title here)

While writing down a conversation I had with James at 1:00 a.m., much to his protesting:

James: "Jessa, have you ever been on bumfights.com?"

Me: "Shhhh...I have to capture what you said downstairs. Did you say you would kill our dog from behind or eat his behind?"

James: "I don't remember...that's the point!"

[I keep writing]

Me: "It literally happened three minutes ago."

James: "That's like...a million years to me."

[I snicker, still writing]

James: "Have you ever been on bumfights.com? Jesssaa!"

Me [writing]: "What!"

James: "Stop ignoring my super important question."

Me: "No, I have never been on bumfights.com. Sounds horrible, though."

James: "It was the website in the 90s, or 1880s or something. Homeless people would get paid to fight each other."

Me: "Sounds terrible."

James: "It was. And it's exactly what you are doing right now."

Me [still writing]: "Please keep talking. This is gold."

James: "You are exploiting the tiredness of my brains."

[James wanders into the bathroom, still talking.]

James: "It's not fair of you to record conversations this late at night. It's like kicking the legs out from under crippled person who only has one leg to begin with.  Except it's with my brain!"

[shower turns on. James keeps talking]

James: "You are kicking the legs out from my crippled brain."

[I start laughing]

[shower curtain opens]

James: "Just so you know, people like you are usually the villains in Disney movies."